绝对牛逼! - 思想录 - 入云龙

(这条文章已经被阅读了 121 次) 时间:2002-01-25 01:42:21 来源:入云龙 (摩天居士) 转载


  这是我看到的汉译英的精彩讨论,绝对牛逼!先是高手robin翻译了一段文章,然后是一些赞誉和请教。接着,另一位高手Samy出场了,指出了Robin的一些不足并提供了自己的翻译。Robin则积极地回应,两人就一些问题探讨起来。
  就象西门吹雪和叶孤城两大剑客过招,种种闪光的、活的思想迸发出来了!这不是一篇一篇完整的文章,但我所受的教益比看一篇完整的翻译更大!讨论出真知,碰撞出火花!我不得不由衷赞叹:真是高手!任何学问做到深处其实都很有意思啊!
  希望我们的IT高人也多多加入到讨论中,多发高质量的帖子啊!


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本文选自2002.1.10的《南方周末》。翻译此文并未征得作者同意,实属练笔。但本人完全赞同文章的观点。

robin:
以壮丽笔法写厚黑故事
Trickery Tales by Grand Pen

五年前,一位台湾商人来上海,一下飞机就托人给他找二月河的全部作品。聊天时,他赞不绝口地夸二月河是“当代中国最伟大的作家”。后来我发现二月河在商界的朋友里特别有人缘。我可以随口说出二三十个生意人的名字,这些生意人像初二女生迷恋琼瑶一样地热爱二月河。

Five years ago in Shanghai, I remember, upon his touchdown off a passenger air liner, a Taiwanese businessman ardently asked someone to buy him a complete collection of Er yuehe’s works. In the following chitchat between us, he kept praising the author with luxurious dictions as “the greatest writer of contemporary China”. Later on, in my observation, Er yuehe actually enjoys considerable popularity amongst my friends in commercial circle. At any time, i can readily bring out several dozens of names engaged in the field, who are, without exception, as incurably infatuated with Er yuehe as those teenager schoolgirls are with Qiongyao.

这些商人不是什么好鸟,能够在当代中国趟出一片生意,应该是想见的事都见过,能干的事全干过,照理说他们已经没有什么理由再去亲近小说,而他们却无可救药地爱上了二月河的历史文学。

None of these businessmen is an honest citizen, considering the fact that in all probability, they “have been around” with a large assortment of evils and vileness in process of, and in preserving as well, their self-establishment in presernt-day China. For a sensible mind, these men “of the world” have no reason to spare any time or sentiment for whatever novels. Nonetheless, incredibly, they do fall captivated in Mr Er’s historical literature.

我给他们找到一个理由:二月河的小说折射出这些生意人的生活。二同志笔下的旧日官场和今天的商界有太多相近、相似、相同的地方。

However, I find them a single reason: the latter’s stories by apparent accident reflex, in one way or another, the former’s real life. Accept it or not, there are too much resemblence, too many similarities and even utter homogeneity between the old-day official circles under Comrade Er’s pen and today’s commercial circles.

二月河小说中的人物形象鲜明但不丰满,故事强烈但少余味,种种故事围绕的主题是权力,各色人物行动的基本线索是阴谋。宫廷内外,一个圈套连着一个圈套,一处陷阱通向另一处陷阱,满途荆棘,人人自危。连皇帝老儿在内,无论男女老少,人与人之间的关系不是同谋就是死敌,六亲不认。二月河的作品非常审美地宣示着残忍的历史智慧,这种历史智慧并不来自冠冕堂皇的政治修辞,而是来自杀机四伏的政治实务。以壮丽笔法写厚黑故事,二月河的确可推为当代第一人。

In general, bright and distinct as are the characters in Er yuehe’s ficitions, they are by no means full or multi-dimensional, and sensational and heart-grabbing as are its plots, unfortunately, they lack any agreeable aftertaste at all. Accordingly, on the other hand, power underlies all dramatic events as solidly and closely as conspiracy threads each figure’s activities. Inch by inch all the way from inside the court till the world beyond teem malignant snares one after another. Consequently, people from all walks of life, including His Majesty himself, feel seriously endangered all the time. There is absolutely no intermediate, grey land coming between the two extremes – accomplice or mortal enemy – in their relationship. In all itself, the cruel historical wisdom esthetically showcased in his books takes the form of wickedness-clod fatal political struggles other than of grandiose political rhetorics . In this regard, as it is, Er yuehe is undoubtedly second to nobody amid his contemporary peers.

以下是回复:

llute:
very good!thank you contribute your english to all

Jessie$:
Look forward to the next part.

telltruth:
Robin, nice to read your post again. Er Yuehe’s works are really hot recently. Especially they were re-edited to serial teleplays showed on CCTV and other local TV stations. I read the works—雍正王朝 and watched the teleplays–雍正王朝,康熙王朝. Compared with the original works, the two teleplays more focused on the 权谋之术,为臣之道. 二月河的书有很深的现实意味。此套书不光在商届,在政府高官中也是风靡一时。 The set of works seems to be a reflex of the contemporary social phenomenon that provoked people to speculate. I agreed that the writer is second to none amid his contemporary peers.

nature:
robin,recently are you busy?how long time i can not read your article!after read your english i feel i am enjoying a beautiful scene 。

robin:
llute, nature jessie and telltruth, thank you all’s attention .
telltruth, you inform me more about the influence of Er yuehe’s works. it’s really unusual against today’s global trend of democracy and law-regulating.
nature, i’m deeply honored if my post can bring you any entertainment.

soosun:
Your translation is very good !I admire you,and can you give me some advice in translation!When I talked with some friend, I found it is difficult to express myself!I think it is because my translation is too bad!
can you give me some adverce?

robin:
sooson, thank you for having trust in me. just a little bit confused what you’re complaining about – translation or oral speech? if it is the latter, i’d tell you it’s nothing to do with translation, make no mistake, whether it does take place inside your brain or not when you attempt to talk with others in english. the key is very simple – try to think in english and at the same time try to forget all about your mother tongue. it’s the first step on the right path to your success. good luck.

高手出场!

Samy:
五年前,一位台湾商人来上海,一下飞机就托人给他找二月河的全部作品。聊天时,他赞不绝口地夸二月河是“当代中国最伟大的作家”。后来我发现二月河在商界的朋友里特别有人缘。我可以随口说出二三十个生意人的名字,这些生意人像初二女生迷恋琼瑶一样地热爱二月河。

(这一段主要说商人迷恋二月河。)

Five years ago in Shanghai, I remember, upon his touchdown off a passenger air liner, a Taiwanese businessman ardently asked someone to buy him a complete collection of Er yuehe’s works.
I remember的插入是否有必要?即使是回忆录,也可以从文章的进展感知。upon his touchdown off a passenger air liner过于注重细节,原文中的“一下飞机”虽然有交代交通工具的功用,但主要目的是表示一种迫不急待的心情,如果是从南京到上海也坐飞机的话,这个交通工具的点明也许能增添几分急切的心情。ardently通常用于热心助人、诚恳待人的场合,这个地方应该是让他人为这个商人做事。buy a complete collection of works似乎没有a complete set好。试译如下:
Five years ago, a Taiwanese business, as soon as he could set his foot upon Shanghai airport, summoned for help to obtain a complete set of Er Yuehe’s works.

下一句是商人对二月河的夸赞。
In the following chitchat between us, he kept praising the author with luxurious dictions as “the greatest writer of contemporary China”.
这个following是在什么样的同类的事情之后发生的呢?telephone conversation? formal talks at a meeting?显然不是,因此,可以说later, in our chitchat。这里的luxurious dictions感觉搭配不爽。既然是“赞不绝口”,也就是不停地、每个字眼都是很好的那种赞扬,可以考虑“generous”“continuous”甚至是“excessive”。试译:
Later in his chitchat with me, he kept praising the author with such generous diction as “the greatest writer of contemporary China”.

有人缘这一句,没有什么异议。
Later on, in my observation, Er yuehe actually enjoys considerable popularity amongst my friends in commercial circle.

我可以随口说出二三十个生意人的名字,这些生意人像初二女生迷恋琼瑶一样地热爱二月河。
At any time, i can readily bring out several dozens of names engaged in the field, who are, without exception, as incurably infatuated with Er yuehe as those teenager schoolgirls are with Qiongyao.
此处的engaged in the field亦属“过量”,of them即可,也能联系上下文。代词指代的作用是省事,同时也是连接,有如黏合剂。at any time和readily有所重合,取一即可。而下文those teenage schoolgirls则不拘泥原文,却又活现原意,简洁明了,好。试译全句:
I can readily bring out several dozens of names of them, who are without exception as incuraly infatuated with Er Yuehe as those teenage schoolgirls are with Qiongyao.

====
译者,文学最伤神。相较而言,手头一部“学术”专著反而轻易些许,一则无神韵要传,而则“学术”价值如今实已直逼垃圾,随手处之无碍。因此,暂以“学术”传译调剂,robin智慧与辛劳,当分段细细赏之,缓缓道来。译文建议,尚请各位斧正。

Samy:
回复于:1月23日 11:30 删除 隐藏IP
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这些商人不是什么好鸟,能够在当代中国趟出一片生意,应该是想见的事都见过,能干的事全干过,照理说他们已经没有什么理由再去亲近小说,而他们却无可救药地爱上了二月河的历史文学。
None of these businessmen is an honest citizen, considering the fact that in all probability, they “have been around” with a large assortment of evils and vileness in process of, and in preserving as well, their self-establishment in presernt-day China. For a sensible mind, these men “of the world” have no reason to spare any time or sentiment for whatever novels. Nonetheless, incredibly, they do fall captivated in Mr Er’s historical literature.
====
I prefer shorter and less complicated sentences. Therefore, my efforts have been concentrated on “shortening work”. “Vile” is usually used as an adjective, unnecessary to coin a noun for it.
None of these businessmen is an honest citizen. Having both experienced and engaged in amounts of villainies and viciousness for their financial seizure in present China, these people should, in a common sense, have no reason to spare any time or sentiment for any contemptible novels. Nonetheless, it is incredible for them to be captivated hopelessly by Er’s historical literature.

高手过招!

robin:
回复于:1月23日 16:53 删除 隐藏IP
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第一段中,我以为有必要插入”i remember”,以开宗明义,同时也为下文的”In the following chitchat between us”做铺陈,以免显得突兀.而”upon his touchdown off a passenger air liner” 一句确显琐碎,可考虑删去air, 变为”a passenger liner”.另外,以SAMY所强调的急切心情而论,原句也稍优于其改后的”as soon as he could set his foot upon Shanghai airport”,且字数少于后者. ardently 的确用词不当,不知各位有何高见?
在这里,set 也好于collection.

samy所提到的following的疑问,我在前面已经回答了.至于diction的修饰问题,我也没有想到好的办法,只在词典上见到过”good/bad diction” 的说法. 也许不该用这个word.至少,我个人觉得generous和luxurious 同样牵强.余者同意SAMY的意见.

robin :
回复于:1月23日 17:2 删除 隐藏IP

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在SAMY改后的这一段中:
None of these businessmen is an honest citizen. Having both experienced and engaged in amounts of villainies and viciousness for their financial seizure in present China, these people should, in a common sense, have no reason to spare any time or sentiment for any contemptible novels. Nonetheless, it is incredible for them to be captivated hopelessly by Er’s historical literature.

又引出了几点问题,一是seizure 一词似乎无法传达illegal的含义.二是comtemptible使用的不太恰当,尽管作者对这类小说持否定态度,也不会如此直露地说出来,至少应加上引号.最后一句”it is incredible for them to be captivated hopelessly by Er’s historical literature”语气上显得弱了.

Edited by – robin on 2002-1-23 17:04:22

robin:
回复于:1月24日 15:26 删除 隐藏IP

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嘿,SAMY,你的contemptible激发了我的灵感,我觉得把它替换为uncompatible也许更合适, 大家以为如何?

telltruth:
回复于:1月24日 15:35 删除 隐藏IP

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Robin,

Please tell us why u want to replace it. Thank u.

签名档: When one door closes in your life, another opens

Samy:
回复于:1月24日 22:10 删除 隐藏IP

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“聊天时”一句当指下机找书后之事,但是不是随后(following)立即做的事情,实难判断,至少文字上没有做任何交代。故说“later” in his chitchat with me, 谈不上是I remember铺陈的结果。倒是双语阅读时,可能会觉得I remember有些突兀。

以动作强调急切,set his foot on,而后接地点Shanghai airport,既点明交通工具,又道出故事的发生地点。而无论是a passenger air liner还是a passenger liner,如围棋中稍嫌凝重的形状,本来以为要取势,最后却局促于一隅,既无实地、又无外势(对不起,写这一段时,robin告诉我他正在下棋)。如果本来某个人因种种原因不得不乘坐货航,现在突然得到了一张客航的机票,倒是趣事一桩,自然赞同这种译法,详细说明是passenger air liner还是cargo flight。而且,应该就“事”取其“势”,继续发挥。至于字数多寡,相信大家能计算出来的:
in Shanghai upon his touchdown off a passenger air liner,
as soon as he could set his foot upon Shanghai airport,

generous用于描述comments的时候,是不吝啬言辞的意思,一般可以有夸大、怀有某种目的的吹捧、带有鼓励性质的褒奖等多种意味,也许,这个商人正是如此。但,正因为意义不明确,该词嫌淡。只是希望作者文风亦喜怒不形于“字”。或者,果真如此?证据:
1、 seizure本身只是“取”的意思,未涉及手段,而中文里“趟出一片生意”, 自然也没有讲清楚究竟是否合法。如果没有后面的解释—“应该是想见的事都见过,能干的事全干过”,前面的“趟”也就没有确切的含义。同理,正是由于有前面的“amounts of villainies and viciousness”,这个“seizure”就是攫取了,而且,也许比中文的“趟”还少了一层“辛劳获得”的意思呢,因而语气终究有点外露了。此外,由此可见,译文确实不是译词,至少应该达到译句,争取达到译意。
2、 contemptible确实多余,或者是坏了“余味”(嘿嘿!又一围棋俗语)。删掉也罢。不过是译到此处的感受罢了。作者文风可见一斑。
3、 it is incredible for them to be captivated hopelessly by Er’s historical literature. 这一句是难题,既要译出原文的强烈意味,又要象原文一样不露痕迹,不易。Robin说弱了,同意,就此文而言,似乎应该是宁弱不强。

还有,感谢robin下棋给我的“灵感”!

签名档:We are made more humane because we share only our thoughts here.